OK Class, today in Black Raven School of Boss:
Hiring is important. And hard. And honestly one of the most dreaded tasks of running a business. The RISK! The Awkward Interview. The General Demise of Your Faith In Humanity. Hiring is not only time consuming, but also somewhat depressing because generally, it’s happening because you either had to fire someone who sucked or you lost someone who didn’t suck. Neither of those scenarios are fun. So yeah, hiring blows.
But anyway, here you are, ready or not, needing to move on. Ok. So lets put the vibe out- I mean put an AD out! See what I did there? Yes, we can infer some parallels between Business Life and Personal Life! Stay with me, kids. 1,2,3, EYES ON ME!
See, in business, you need to fill a position so you advertise what you’re looking for. You wade through the options, and you eventually pull the trigger and put all your eggs in one basket. Maybe you go with the stereotype model employee who seems too good to be true. Or you decide to throw caution to the wind and put your money on the Dark Horse with the tattoos and the big glasses who pukes a lot for no reason. But if you’re like me, you’ll usually end up needing to fill a position and fill it NOW. And that may or may not (99.9% MAY) result in compromised standards and crossing your fingers and saying “Pretty Please?” to the Universe. (99% MAY. Write that down.)
So you’ve chosen your new recruit and it’s time to assimilate-I mean TRAIN. This is when you form your first opinions and usually decide you don’t like them and you never will. They’re not catching on, or they don’t think you’re funny, or for the love of God they brought a Tim Horton’s coffee to their first day at the coffee shop! TRUE STORY! I can’t make this shit up, guys. Anyway, my point is that it’s often very hard to move past those first impressions. It takes a lot to win someone over who has gotten used to seeing people come and go. Wait, are we still talking about business, or personal?
Because in personal, it’s the same. We actually do advertise and interview for positions in our lives. People may have big companies or small companies, but everyone’s got a Board of Directors. We establish the positions we’re needing to fill, we ask a few questions and make a few assumptions, and then we hope for the best. Sometimes you end up with someone on your board who you wish would just retire already because you don’t have the heart to drop the axe. Those people are usually your relatives. HA HA!
We go into these relationships feeling hopeful and relieved to have the positions filled. Best case scenario, we end up with a super fun and productive team who all has a common goal in mind. Worst case scenario, we put our eggs in the Too Good To Be True basket and spend hours lying awake at night, remembering all the red flags we chose to ignore. Sigh. Back to the drawing board.
The trick is to ask the right questions in the first place. Creep that shit on Facebook, people! Do what you need to do! And for crap’s sake, check the references! Have you ever had a shitty employee and thought “Fuck, I should have checked the references”? I have. Many times. And that’s why I’m teaching this class. I learned my lessons. The Hard Way.
I learned to check the goddamn references. And also, sometimes Pukey With The Big Glasses ends up being a total score so don’t be afraid to take chances!
Now write that down.